It’s that time of year...bloggers out there either need to post their resolutions, or offer up “best of/worst of 2008” lists. And I’m lucky to remember what I had for breakfast, let alone what movies/albums/whatever were around in January of 2008, so this blogger is going with resolutions.

1. Get a permanent job

I’ve already accomplished this—how’s that for being on the ball! Actually, I wrote this resolution in December, and was offered a job just a couple weeks ago. And I don’t start the job until Monday, so maybe I can look at this as a resolution not to f**k up until then. Funny how I was always struggling for a steady job and income when the economy was bustling, and I finally find a secure job during a recession. It goes to show that a personal journey can go against the national trend.

2. Exercise every day

Yeah. I already broke this one. Granted, I’m sick…but I could’ve done a few yoga stretches or something. Still, I look at resolutions like a golfer’s “hole in one” ideal. You aspire to reach it every day, and most days you fall short, but you’ll end up accomplishing more and growing more than you would have if you hadn’t tried at all.


3. Write 3 hours every day

This is a tough one to meet. And yes, I already broke it…sort of. I know my procrastinating self well enough to know that three hours of industrious writing isn’t going to happen the first day. So I made a deal that “three hours of writing” can at first mean “three hours of sitting in front of the computer, even if I do nothing but stare at the screen. And I am NOT ALLOWED ON THE INTERNET DURING THOSE THREE HOURS!” And I did accomplish that (mostly…there may have been a TV/food break in there). Writers often talk about the fact that writer’s block is often cured by BIC: Butt In Chair. So I’m working on the BIC aspect of it, and hopefully the productive writing will follow.

The trickiest part of the three hours is that I have an evening job two nights a week. I work for nearly 12 1/2 hours straight on those days…not counting the commute times. But again, it’s an ideal to strive for. If I can put in a smidge of writing here and a pinch of writing there…I could accumulate three hours in one day. I’ve already created the habit of writing nearly every day. The goal here is to increase the amount of time I put into that daily writing. Even a small improvement could mean a huge increase in production over a year.

To be continued...

Sure! It would free up some space, and the neighbors would quit complaining about the groaning, wheezing noises they hear when I touch them...

Oh. BODILY organs. Never mind.

It's weird, because the economic climate makes me feel like I'm surrounded by clones.

I've always been frugal. I was raised by parents whose childhoods included the Great Depression and WWII, so they were beyond frugal (they once made me fish out of the trash a non-working Bic pen. "Try shaking it! Heat it for a few seconds in the microwave; that might get the ink going again!"). And after years of living on a graduate student stipend and then a temp's salary, I learned how to cut my expenses to the barest minimum. And in our once-thriving consumer culture, that made me a bit of an oddball. "You get your books at the library? You don't want to eat out every day of the week?" You don't own (name of fancy but unnecessary gadget here)? How can you STAND living like that??"

And now it's like the whole world has smoked whatever I'm smoking. Gone is the constant pressure to eat out constantly, or to admire the latest phone/television/perfume dispenser combo. I recently went out during my lunch break with a co-worker...not to Overpriced Chain Restaurant, but to half-price day at the nearby thrift store. We had a blast.

I plan to do my holiday shopping at Half Price Books, the thrift store, and Big Lots...as usual. The only difference is, I no longer have to pretend I bought the gifts at Barnes & Noble and Neiman Marcus.

Welcome to my world, people.

Thanks to sunsethill for the idea, who got it from juno_magic

If you're on my friends list, I want to know 36 things about you. I don't care if we never talk, or if we already know everything about each other. Short and sweet is fine ... You're on my list, so I want to know you better!

BE HONEST! COPY FROM HERE THEN SEND DIRECTLY TO ME IN A COMMENT.

( 36 Things )

In writing, I have trouble describing that upwelling of feeling I have (or a character has) when I experience something truly majestic and profound. Like, the feeling you get when you watch a beautiful sunset, or see the roaring water of Niagara Falls, or contemplate that you're a small but definite part of a living, breathing planet.

I know the feeling. Other people know the feeling. It's just hard to describe what that feeling is. It's frustrating because I'd love to center a story around something that brings out those feelings.

For anyone interested, I'm in the process of posting the Harry Potter fanfic I keep nattering on about. It can be found here:

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3983170/1/Never_Say_Remember

Summary:

Thirteen-year-old Harry wakes in a universe where Snape adopted him years ago. In the regular universe, Snape meets a new Harry whose eyes reflect something Snape isn't prepared to face. And the path ahead becomes even rockier when one Harry learns that Snape is harboring a dark secret.


I thought about posting it here, but LJ is better suited to short stories. There's a word count limit to journal entries (or there was last time I checked), and if I post chapters in separate entries, readers end up reading the most recent (last) chapter first, and the least recent (first) chapter last. I imagine there's a way to organize the postings, but for now, I'll just depend on the kindness of other sites.

Enjoy!

Well, I'm doing Nanowrimo again. The thing about nano is, I now feel obligated to do it every year. I mean, it's worth it, but there's also an element of "don't want to break my four-year record."

Every year I plan on doing this extensive, detailed outline, and every year it never quite works out. Although the two times I tried an outline, those stories really didn't end up conforming to the outline I had planned, so maybe it's a lost cause. I should take a page from my fic writing and go where the passion takes me, instead of what I decide I should be writing for the sake of plot. I just hate writing stuff that I know I'll end up deleting.

I need to find some passion in my writing—I think I focus too much on cleverness and not enough on emotion, at least when they're my characters and not fanfic. I don't know why I have more passion for other people's characters than I do for my own. Maybe I don't have enough confidence in my own imagination and would rather invest it in other works. But improving aspects of my writing is one of the reasons I do nano.

Well, I'm going to have to give up my claim to be a "moderate" fan of Harry Potter. I was recently inspired to write a Harry Potter fanfic, and you can't write fanfic and claim to have only a passing interest in the topic.

I think this happened because I wanted more from the last book, and went looking for it online, in fanfic. And I found some good fics that wrapped up the final story for me. But it also caused other stories to percolate in my brain.

So I've been writing. Obsessively. It's a little scary, actually. My BFF is also a writer, and we joke about how writing is an addiction. We'll keep saying to ourselves, "Just one more line. I'll write just one more line and then I'll quit (this word document)." Still, it's great to enjoy the process of writing again. The novel I'm working on has been making me unhappy, and I needed a reminder that writing isn't drudgery; in fact, the need to write is so strongly wired into my brain that I can't ever give it up. I just have to let my imagination take me where it will. And if it takes me to a place where I rip off someone else's characters and put them in a rambling story with a hackneyed premise—well, who am I to argue with my imagination?

And yowza, has this been fun. There are no rules to impose on myself, like I do when I'm writing for publication. If the idea of imposing a plot on the characters bores me, then plot ideas go out the window. If I want to write a story that's been written 500 times over by other fans, that's my business. If I love melodrama, then Snape's going to stub his toe and cry over it for 15 pages. Why? Because I'll enjoy it. No other reason need apply.

And it's so freeing. To listen to the happy place in my brain without any judgment, without any need to write something because this is what will interest readers, or because this is what the writing books say, or because this is what will get me published. It's a lesson I keep learning over and over. Every time I think I've truly understood what it means to follow my passion and listen only to my heart, I find myself pulled back into what should be done. Lucky for me, writing this Harry Potter fanfic has cursed my inner critic with an Avada Kedavra.

Get up, Bender. You can't quit every time you get an axe in the back. Or a drill through your face. Now quit scratching your axe-hole and get out there.
- Leela, Futurama

"This isn't your average book," said Ron. "It's pure gold: Twelve Fail-Safe Ways to Charm Witches. Explains everything you need to know about girls…You'd be surprised, it's not all about wandwork, either."
-J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows

I'm happy I was such a good guesser about certain plot points.

I've been a moderate when it comes to HP. I don't fall into the camp of "JK Rowling is the defining artist of our time" nor the camp of "JK Rowling is infantilizing our entire culture." I think her books are fun, and I enjoy figuring out the plot puzzles, but I find that her writing is flawed. As I read (or listened to the great CD performance of) each book, part of my mind would be tootling along, enjoying it, and the other part would point out how the book could have been better. The final book was no exception.

Things I liked: (SPOILERS)

The Gringott's heist – a fun adventure.

Visiting Godric's Hollow. I've wondered about that place. And Harry and Hermione crashing out the window with Voldemort on their heels was my favorite moment in the book.

The theme of "heroes aren't perfect." I had a feeling this would be the theme with Snape, but also loved the parallels with Dumbledore, R.A.B., Lupin, and Harry himself.

The escape from the Malfoy's

The silver doe. A beautiful quiet moment between action scenes.

Harry's wand breaking. I expected there to be deaths, so I wasn't as shocked by that as I was by something so iconic to the series being destroyed. It was a little anticlimactic to see it repaired at the end. I figured it would be symbolic of all the things destroyed in the war that could never be repaired.

Neville growing up.

Things I didn't like:
The main thing was the missed potential for emotional impact, including:

The Horcruxes were too easy.
I was hoping the horcruxes would be kept in places like the cave in book 6: a place heavily guarded with the cruel logic of someone with no conscience. While I liked the Gringott's escape, it still felt like Voldemort was just leaving his bits of soul lying around, rather than using the cold intelligence and maliciousness he displayed in previous books. Where were the magical enchantments that forced the seeker to make a great sacrifice, and face death? I was disappointed that the book spent so much time on Harry sulking in a tent when his mettle could have been tested against the danger and sacrifice of acquiring each new Horcrux. Harry could have still realized he's not a perfect hero—that could have been shown as he is forced to make terrible choices to reach the Horcruxes.

Hermione crying constantly.

Snape MIA, then DOA
I appreciated that Snape remained a layered character, courageous and motivated by love yet still narrow-minded and childish in ways. But after the build-up of antagonism between him and Harry, where the stakes got progressively higher, and the duels between them got progressively more dangerous…there's no final confrontation between them in book 7? In the book where the truth is revealed about Snape, he's barely around. Instead, Snape drops dead and Harry learns the truth about him in the magical equivalent of old family videos? (and by the way, the motivation for Harry to take Snape's memories to the Pensieve was lame at best.) Anticlimactic and a poor send-off for such a complex character.

Harry scared of dying.
After facing death multiple times, Harry's now afraid because this time it's for real? It felt false.

Dumbledore explaining it all.
I thought once the guy died, we'd be done with this expositionary crutch. And shouldn't a coming-of-age tale end with the hero finding his own answers?

Mrs. Weasley channeling Ripley.
I hate it when characters don't act like themselves just so the readers/viewers can punch the air and say, "Yeah! Badass!" Ripley from Aliens was a badass, which is why the line (clearly ripped off from that movie) worked. But Mrs. Weasley isn't Ripley. She may feel as strongly as Ripley did, but she would express it in a way that's true to her character.

Harry's arc.
So Harry learns that he should curb his need to chase after magical objects and keep his eye on the prize. Also, he should become a better strategist. A little weak, considering that book 6 left Harry in a dark place, with grief, hatred and revenge in his heart. I would have preferred that book 7 explored that dark emotional place and shown how Harry can move away from the need for revenge and toward the ability to forgive.

Things that were so-so:
Random and meaningless deaths.
A lot of people were upset that the deaths of beloved characters barely got a mention, but I was expecting some of that, as it's a way for writers to say "death is sometimes random and meaningless." Joss Whedon used this in his shows, with mixed results. However, even if the characters are killed without an epic death scene, it would still be nice to have a deep emotional reaction from the main characters.

The final duel with Voldemort.
I liked that it took place at Hogwarts, and there was enough excitement going on that it was a decent climax. But why didn't the theme that 'love is the strongest magic' play an integral part in the final battle? I was expecting Harry to make a great sacrifice out of love, or for Snape, Ron, Hermione, or Ginny to make a sacrifice based on their love. And that sacrifice and that love would have turned the tide in Harry's favor and won the battle. Instead, it turns out the strongest magic of all is…the technicalities of wand ownership. Not quite the same emotional resonance.

The epilogue.
I've heard a lot of people complain about it, and it does have a 'happily ever after' feel to it. But…I didn't mind it. If the world was going to change for the main characters, it would have happened earlier in the book. It bothered me that after everything, they still teach the kids to hate each other on the basis of their House. Also, Albus Severus Potter, while a nice thought, is a terrible name.

But the loose ends were tied up, at least to my satisfaction (I'm sure hard-core fans can point out unresolved subplots). Maybe I'm hard on JKR because her style of writing reminds me of the type of writing I've done in the past: heavy on plot points that all tie together, light on character development and emotional resonance. It's not like taking multiple plot threads and tying them all together is easy, and I'm impressed JKR managed it. But I've started to see in my writing that a story that's driven by plot points can be exciting yet unsatisfying.

I'm reading two books for my Wednesday Night Book Club, to be known as WN Book Club (WNBC sounds like a radio station): The Happiness Hypothesis (which I've read before and recommended to the group) and Anna Karenina.

I've just re-read in THH how our brain is like a rider on an elephant. The rider is rational thought, and the elephant is our feelings and fears and desires. The elephant can be guided—sometimes. The rider only has control if the elephant has no inclination of its own. If the elephant wants to go in a particular direction, there's not much the rider can do about it. The author also points out that if you can get the elephant and rider to work together, it's a potent combination where true genius can happen. I've certainly experienced that in writing, when my rider is working hard and my elephant is enjoying the ride. In those moments, I can write great stuff and I don't even feel the time passing.

I love this metaphor so much that I named my elephant: Sophie. But I'm a creative artist type, so I'm allowed to do this . That is, I'm allowed to do this without people calling me crazy. It's so helpful when I'm upset or angry to tell Sophie to calm down. I'll pat her imaginary head and give her an imaginary peanut. Hmm. Maybe I am crazy.

I was surprised by Anna Karenina, because I was expecting Tolstoy to be dense and mind-numbing. As a reader, I'm an odd combination of snob and redneck. I raise an eyebrow at anyone who raves about the latest John Grisham novel, but I also fight against the idea of reading traditional classics like I'm a 15-year-old avoiding my homework. And when I finally read a classic, I'm surprised that they're good reads. I loved Catch 22, and Lolita inspired me to be braver in my own writing subject matter. I shouldn't be so surprised—they became classics because loads of people read them and loved them—but I've been burned before. Ulysses? Henry James? Dickens? Not exactly page-turners. But all categories of books are going to have a few that aren't enjoyable for me, or are mistakenly seen as good. Just as somewhere, somehow, there must be a John Grisham book that I'll enjoy.

Anyway, Anna Karenina turned out to be less like eating my broccoli and more like slurping down a frothy milkshake. There's a love triangle, and an affair, and unrequited love. It's completely addictive. Yes, it has the occasional odd tangents that remind me of Les Miserables. One character has a page on how he feels about his cow (seriously) and another on how he feels about his racehorse. I'm sure comparing the two scenes was the subject of many English student papers, but I've learned to skim past such passages until we get back to the main (bipedal) characters. Of course, I talk to an imaginary elephant, so who am I to point fingers?

I've been through a love triangle myself, so I can identify with Anna's dilemma. I was a good girl, but I had to fight tooth and nail against what the elephant wanted. And Tolstoy didn't have the benefit of reading THH, so I'm amazed how his understanding of human psychology fits with what I've read. He completely understands how the rider reacts to the elephant rampaging out of control. Sometimes the rider rationalizes what the elephant wants ("I meant to go this way anyhow"). Sometimes the rider despairs over the fact that he has no control over that flipping elephant. All I can say is: I feel ya, Anna.

You've probably guessed that I made it back safe and sound from Niagra, and was not, in fact, captured by Canadian terrorists.

Niagra was beautiful and majestic but also crowded and tourist-y, like most of nature's monuments. I may try one of the jet boats that go to the wirlpool if I ever go back. I took the ski-lift-like contraption over the wirlpool, and the people in the boats below looked like they were having a lot more fun. Also, going into the wine country to the north is a relaxing side trip. They specialize in ice wines, which are delicious, if expensive, dessert wines. On my possible 2nd trip, I'll have to take along enough money so I can have a few glasses. But not immediately before the jet boat tour. That's got bad idea written all over it.

I’m off to Niagara Falls this weekend. I’ve never been there before. Is it one of the seven wonders of the world, or is that just a meaningless phrase that everyone uses for any significant monument or feature? Who comes up with these titles? Still, it sounds impressive, and beautiful.

Anyway, I hear that people from all over the world go there, so the people-watching should be interesting. And I’ll be there for Canada Day! Yay Canada! I’m going to another country for 4th of July weekend. Let’s call this my protest of U.S. policies. And also the only time I could get a four-day weekend.

Speaking of work and how they require employees to actually be there, can I say how much I love having a full-time, full-benefits job? Yeah, the hours could be better, but I’m loving the fact that I can buy frivolous things, like retirement savings and health insurance.

There are people who will go out and buy a new car to celebrate getting a new job, which seems excessive. I did go shopping, mainly because I needed clothes to wear to work that wouldn’t embarrass me. And really, the thing I enjoyed buying most was this beaded change purse. It only cost $1.99, but I love it because a) it’s cute and b) it’s the type of frivolous thing I’d banned myself from buying while money was tight. The fact that I can buy something completely useless makes me feel better. Talk about retail therapy.

"As long as you keep getting born, it's all right to die sometimes."

-Ender in Orson Card's Speaker for the Dead

Hello, everyone! I'm doing very well, although I'm about to have a life crisis. My current job is ending, and I need to start searching for a new one. And I'm not sure where that will take me. New income bracket? New city? New lifestyle? New friends?

In other news, I have been working on my writing. I finished the endings on two of my nano novels, and am working on editing one of them now. I don't think I'll make the 50 hours in one month that Nanoedmo members aspire to, but it's a good start. Speaking of which, anybody interested in being a beta for a novella-length Buffy fic?

As for my other resolutions…not much progress so far. The new job may determine my success with credit card debt and thesis completion/giving-upping. My weight is stubbornly, healthily stable, but I’m at the weight I was for high school and the majority of my adult life, so I should focus more on being fit and less on dropping a clothing size. Maybe when I'm rich and famous I can hire a personal trainer and chef like Oprah. Now there's a diet plan that's sure to succeed.

I'm recovering from a cold, so I've been doing a lot of reading while I cough away the hours. I'm reading Catch-22, which is hilarious, although there's not much plot and the female characters all come off as boobs with legs. Still, it's worth checking out. I highly recommend the book on CD, where the dialogue is given impeccable comic timing.

I'm reading Gil's All Fright Diner. Undead cows! A vampire in overalls! It's a fun one-week read. And there's Good Scripts, Bad Scripts, which analyzes the plot and character work of several movies. It's a great writing guide for understanding big concepts like story structure.

I also finished the Harry Potter series up through book six, so I can join in the excitement when book seven hits the shelves. I'm not sure what to think of that series. There's wacky British humor in it that amuses me, but there are other parts where I feel like it should have gone through another re-write. Like the all-caps = ANGRY, or that opening scene in book 6 with the PM and the minister of magic. What was the point of all that?

( More on HP book 6 and speculation about book 7 )

By the way, I heart Alan Rickman. I've been noticing him everywhere recently—Galaxy Quest, Sense and Sensibility, Something the Lord Made, and of course HP. He's my new favorite character actor.

Well, I spent Christmas with my BFF in Indiana. I did pilates with her in the mornings, and partied with her in the evenings, so I spent a lot of the time in Indiana sore and drunk.

( more on holidays, TV, and knitting )

Okay, these are my tentative New Year Resolutions, as I tend to refine them through the month of January. Unfortunately, I don't have any profound, wide-encompassing ones like "reflect on life more." But here they are, in no particular order:

1. Lose 5 more lbs.
2. Get good a good job: career-focused, good benefits, good money, intellectually stimulating…well, at least three of those.
3. Finish thesis…or at the very least, give up the ghost and move on.
4. Travel to at least one interesting place.
5. Pay off credit card debt (tuition's a bitch).

I'm thinking of adding "finish all writing projects," but that might be too much to cover in one year. I won Nano again—yay!—but I didn't actually finish the story. Or rather, I ended around 50K with words to the effect of, "and then a lot of crazy climactic sh#t happened, the end." Those remaining scenes should have taken several thousands words to write, and I summed it up in a few paragraphs. I remember not finishing the few wrap-up scenes I had planned for my 2004 Nano. And I haven't finished the story for my 2003 Nano. Not to mention all the half-finished fan fic stories I have on my hard drive. I'd like to at least finish the rough drafts on those, if not the editing…but with a job and a masters on my resolution list, I don't know if creative writing should be a priority.

Happy Holidays, everyone!